Stay - At - Home - Mom

I don't know how stay at home mom's do it!  The kids and I have been home for 3 days and I'm already going stir-crazy.  I love my kids more than I thought it was possible to love anyone.  I love that my job allows me to be on the same schedule that they're on.  However, I'm a type-A personality that really needs order.  Christmas break at our house is anything but orderly.  Toys that I don't even remember us having have made their way into the living room.  The piles of laundry seem to by multiplying despite the fact that we spend most of the day in our pajamas.  Just as soon as I have one meal cleaned up the kids are asking for a snack.  You'd think that with 2 weeks of no work, my to-do list would be whittling down to nothing, yet it continues to collect dust (and lengthen).  I've got 10-12 different projects going on right now, but can't seem to finish any of them because I get so easily distracted by the chaos that surrounds me.  So, I'm giving up.  The kids and I are hitting a Redbox kiosk after lunch and this afternoon will be spent snuggled up on the couch, eating popcorn, and watching movies with the kids.  The toys will continue to litter the living room.  The laundry will continue to multiply.  The pile of dishes on the counter will continue to grow.  At some point I'll throw a hissy fit about how messy the house is and how I can't get anything done.  But, for a few hours this afternoon, I'm going to enjoy being a stay-at-home-mom, even though I'll be doing it all wrong!  Once again I find myself in awe of all the stay-at-home-moms out there.  I don't know how you do it!

Insurance

I'm beyond frustrated with our insurance right now!  We found out in February that Levi is on the autism spectrum.  Since then, we've run an emotional gamut and questioned every decision we've made regarding treatments.  Finally, this fall we made a few decisions and began seeking support services.  Our first stop was The Thompson Center at MU in Columbia, MO.  Amazing facility!  On our initial visit, we met with a doctor that specializes in treating children with ASD's, a nutritionist, a speech therapist and a resources coordinator.  We left the visit feeling like we finally had a plan on how to move forward.  We found out very soon after that visit that our insurance will not cover any services provided by this facility and we will be paying for the entire visit out of pocket!  Our next approach was to try to find providers in the KC area that we could work with.  We met a fantastic lady in Excelsior Springs that could provide ABA therapy.  Again, we soon found out that our insurance would not cover these services so to utilize them we would, once again, have to pay out of pocket.  It turns out that our insurance provider won't cover any therapy services related to autism.  As long as our school district provides therapy, our insurance provider is under no obligation to provide Levi with any additional services.  This led us to examine medications.  If the only therapy that he is going to receive is through school, we decided that it might be best if we try medicine to help him stay focused during his school therapy sessions so that he can make those most of that time.  When we talked to the pharmacy about the cost of these medications, we found out that our cost would be approximately $175 for a one-month supply!  What the hell are we supposed to do?!  I feel so freakin' defeated right now.  Do they honestly expect us to pay out of pocket?  How does anyone afford that?  I HATE OUR INSURANCE!

Babysitter

My work holiday party is this weekend.  I plan to attend.  My +1 is a colleague and dear friend.  I'm very excited about spending time with my colleagues outside of our work environment and even more excited about having some girl time with my +1.  However, I'm a little sad that my +1 isn't my husband.  Of course, he was my first choice.  He agreed to go and we made our usual "we need a babysitter" phone call to Nana.  Turns out, though, that Nana has her own social life and isn't available that night.  This creates a problem.  Nana is the only person that has ever watched our kids while we went out on a date.  Having her live so close, and so eager to spend time with her grand kids, has been a blessing - she's reliable; she knows the schedule we like to follow; best of all, she's free!  But, she's busy with her own plans this weekend.  As a teacher, I know of several high school aged students that would be great babysitters.  We've even called on a few to watch the kids for an hour or so when we had to work late.  The issue isn't the babysitter.  The issue is the little boy that we're leaving with the babysitter!  Levi is fascinated with electrical outlets, the doorbell, and switches right now.  He'll pull a stool over to the kitchen counter so he can plug in the coffee maker.  He'll unplug the night light in his bedroom and plug it into one of the outlets in the living room.  He'll wait next to the outlet while I'm vacuuming just so he can be the one to unplug it as soon as I turn it off.  The sound of the doorbell sends the dog into a barking frenzy, which Levi finds hilarious.  He'll  open the front door and go outside so he can stand on the porch and ring the doorbell just to get the dog going (poor Macy).  He did this today when we got home from school, never mind that our high temperature was 28 degrees today!  He'll walk through the house and turn on every light before going back through the house and turning them all off.   We're yet to find a form of discipline that works in keeping him from doing these things.  We're looking into behavior modifications that might help redirect him when Levi seeks out these activities.  In the meantime, Brad and I deal with all of this the best that we can.  The problem is, we don't feel comfortable leaving him with a sitter knowing that he does all of these things.  We're not necessarily concerned about safety, although that is a concern.  We're worried about some poor individual going insane with worry as they try to keep up with him and all of his busy-ness.  I'm starting to get past this and am ready to take a test drive to see what happens.  Brad, on the other hand, has no interest in putting anyone through this test.  This brings us back to the holiday party.  Brad won't go because he won't leave a babysitter with Levi.  This is yet another aspect of autism that we weren't prepared for.  How do we have time for "us" when we don't feel comfortable leaving Levi with a babysitter?  Today is one of those days when I hate autism! 

Education

I remember when I told my mom that I wanted to switch majors in college and instead of becoming a speech pathologist I wanted to be a teacher.  That was one of the hardest conversations that I've ever had with her.  It's not that she has something against teachers - she was a teacher for 20+ years.  However, her years of teaching in public education had her wanting more for me.  She was well aware of the low pay, the high stress, and the hours of "after hours" work that most people don't seem to realize that teachers put in.  Never-the-less, she told me that if I wanted to be a teacher she would be my biggest supporter.  So I made the switch and eventually earned a BSE.  Fifteen years later, I find myself sitting at home during Thanksgiving break full of mixed emotions in regards to education.  This is a very difficult time to be in education.  Nationwide, test scores aren't where they "should" be.  The financial outlook is bleak.  Again, it's a very difficult time to be in education.  However, for me, becoming a teacher was one of the best decisions that I've ever made.  I came home from work yesterday with notes from a few students saying that having me as their teacher is one of the things they're thankful for this holiday season.  I even got a few hugs from students as they were leaving.  I got to share stories of how my family celebrates Thanksgiving and listen to stories of how my students will celebrate the holiday.  And today, I get to share these thoughts with you while my children are chasing one another through the house pretending to be monsters.  We have plans to set up and decorate the Christmas tree this afternoon.  We're trying to decide what treats we want to make for tomorrow's feast.  And we'll probably do it all while wearing our pajamas!  Yep, it's a difficult time to be in education.  The pay isn't the best; the hours are far from "8:00 - 3:00, August to May"; the responsibility can be overwhelming; and don't get me started on the politics of it all.  But there are very few things in this world that make me happier than the gifts I've been given by becoming a teacher.  Happy Thanksgiving!

Retail Me Not

I don't know who created this website - www.retailmenot.com - but that person is a genius!  I just ordered some new clothes for the kids from Osh Kosh and, thanks to a quick search on Retail Me Not, I was able to save over $30 on my purchase, plus get free shipping.  Feeling so good about this purchase, I decided to do some browsing for myself at Old Navy.  Once again, a quick search on Retail Me Not got me a 25% off coupon code to use at checkout.  I realize I could have saved a lot of money by not buying anything, but that's not the point.  My entire on-line shopping experience is so much more enjoyable now that I have this handy little tool to help lessen the "spending money guilt"!  My husband is so much more accepting of my spending when I'm able to explain the great deal I got on stuff thanks to this website!  If you haven't used this site, check it out next time you do some online shopping.  For those of you that actually enjoy the in-store shopping experience, they have a section of printable coupons too!  Happy shopping!  

Nana

My mom (Nana) was in the delivery room when my daughter (Lorin) was born.  From that moment, the two of them have been inseparable.  From the time Lorin was one month old, they've spent at least one day together every week.  For the past few years, that day has been Monday.  Nana walks to school every Monday afternoon to get Lorin and they walk back to her house together.  I'm not exactly sure what happens during their Monday time, but I'm guessing that Lorin gets to say/do/eat whatever she wants and never hears the word "NO".  Lorin sticks around for dinner, which is often spaghetti with a side of bacon (Lorin's choice) and then she comes home around 8:00.  To them, this is sacred time and it is very rarely missed.  I love that the two of them have this relationship and am so thankful that we live in the same town so they can spend this time together.  This special time became even more important to Lorin after her brother, Levi,  was born.  Don't get me wrong - Lorin loves her brother.  But, he's her little brother and according to her he ruins everything!  So, after he was born, this time spent with Nana became even more special because it was one of the few times that she had all the attention.  Because he "ruins everything", Levi is rarely allowed to be part of this special time.  We're okay with this and have tried to keep Monday's untouched so Lorin and Nana can spend time together doing whatever it is that they do.  Recently, however, Levi has been choosing to go with Nana when she comes to get Lorin.  It happened last week and I was totally shocked, but blew it off as a fluke.  We were waiting outside in front of the school.  It was a beautiful fall day.  Nana walked to school with her two new dogs.  Lorin grabbed the leash of one dog and they started on their way.  When Levi saw them walking off, he ran to catch up.  I chalked it up to him wanting to be outside on such a nice day and being interested in the new dogs.  However, today he did it again.  It was raining after school so we were waiting inside.  Mom walked in with the dogs and asked Levi if he was staying with me or going with her and Lorin.  Without any hesitation, he grabbed a leash and started to walk off with them.  What?  The weather outside was terrible (cold and rainy).  The dogs are old news (they've been here a little over 2 months).  What is the attraction?  Why does this bother me?  This is a great thing.  Levi is making decisions and showing some independence. He's getting in his "Nana time"!   Yet, it's so bittersweet.  He's always been content to stay with me while Nana and Lorin go off on their way.  That was our time.  My baby wanted to stay with me.  My baby isn't a baby anymore.  He's becoming this little man, capable of making his own decisions.  I love this new stage he's entering!  But, it's so hard to be in those moments when I'm not his first choice.  They just don't prepare you for crap like this during those childbirth classes!     

ASD

"ASD" is a fancy education acronym for Autism Spectrum Disorder.  I found this out in February, 2011, when my son was diagnosed with an ASD.  I can't remember the exact date, but I can remember that this was one of the worst days of my life.  I can't even begin to describe the anger that consumed me when I saw those words next to his name.  Since that day, I've bounced around through the stages of grief.  Today, I've mostly accepted this diagnosis and what it means for my son and our family, but I still bounce into stages of anger, denial, bargaining, and depression, at times.  On those days, I find myself getting hung up on the "why" and the "what if" of it all.  I'm a big picture person and I don't like surprises.  ASD is forcing me to stop trying to look ahead and plan every minute detail.  That is very uncomfortable for me, but I'm working on it.  As frustrating as it can be to be the parent of a child with an ASD, I'm slowly coming to the realization that ASD's can be a blessing.  My son notices things that I had never before paid any attention to.  Have you ever noticed that the tires on your car make a different sound when you drive over a bridge than the sound they make when you're driving on the highway?  Did you know that they make seamless socks?  Cheese pizza dipped in ranch dressing tastes amazing!  I didn't know these things until my son pointed them out to me.  These certainly aren't Earth-shattering revelations, but these little things are slowly teaching me to tune in to my environment, keep searching until I find exactly what I need, and try new things.  Yep, ASD's can be a blessing.  Now, it's very possible that I'll wake up tomorrow and curse ASD's and have myself a good old fashioned "why us" pity party.  But for right now, I'm thankful for the cards I've been dealt!  Life is really good!

Intro

I like to think that my life is pretty normal.  My husband and I married in 1999 and moved to small town middle America.  In 2001, I earned my BS in Education and began a career as a teacher.  In 2003, we welcomed a beautiful daughter into our family.  Life was good!  In 2007, we were again blessed with a new addition, a handsome son.  Life was really good!  However, like everyone, we've had a few small bumps in our road.  I've found that those bumps are a lot easier to deal with if I vent my feelings.  This blog is my new venting strategy.  Feel free to add your two cents worth if you come across something that hits home with you or strikes a nerve.